All of us have different ideas around what love is. As one of my close friends rightly put it, love is something so special and the mutual form of it (so two people loving each other at the same time) is difficult to get which makes it even more desirable. It’s something that everyone wants very much. Even, if they don’t admit it.
So the concept of love is there and we tend to imagine, that when we settle down, it will be with so-called ‘the right person’, in other words, someone we love.
Okay, ideally with someone we love more then we loved anyone else. Ah, on the top of it, we want to love each other forever. So we wait. We wait passively or actively, from looking for potential partners online, to going out and meeting people. Some of us stay at home and think that if it’s meant to happen, it will, and perhaps they have a point. Some of us go traveling and find that person. Some of us rush, some take their time.
But when it comes to settling down and making a conscious decision about choosing your life partner the things get serious.
Once upon a time, there was someone in my life who told me “I got married to my wife because I was 34 and I thought that this is ‘the ‘right age’ to settle down”. The same person answered my question about why some people go for someone who isn’t meeting their standards… “Because deep inside they think they can’t do better…”
So let’s talk about the standards first.
There are a couple of reasons for those. (Well, maybe more, but I know of these two):
1. We have high standards because we want to grow as a person and we want someone who will inspire us to do so.
2. We raise the bar high because we are so scared of commitment or rejection that having high standards effectively keeps us away from feeling attracted to most people.
There are also people who have high standards because they think that they’re so great that they deserve the best. Nothing wrong with that. As long as they understand that what they want, they may need to be first.
BE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO MEET
The thing is, that you attract who you are. And if there are parts of you that need working on, you’ll face them in that person and have the opportunity to work on. There is also another side of then coin; the person will reflect your inner beauty. Often, to your greatest surprise as you may have not been aware of.
When you want to see how you look, you go to a mirror. When it’s your time to see what’s inside you, you meet a person who is your mirror. Exactly like the Justin Timberlake’s song “Mirrors”.
Okay, maybe not EXACTLY, but you get what I mean!
What does it have to see with love and the social pressure to settle down by certain age?
Everything. Love isn’t only dates, flowers and kids together. It is a process of inner discovery that can happen at any time.
And it will happen when you’re ready. It could be in your 20 ties or 30 ties when the society wants you to settle down (lucky you!) but it can also happen when you are way passed your ‘golden years’ and your biological clock even stopped ticking.
I like saying that there are as many love stories as people in this world, because everyone has their own interpretation of love and how they live it.
There are no rules and the pressure to get married and have kids by certain age is right for survival reasons, but not necessarily for inner happiness.
So all I want to say is don’t rush. Park away the biological clock and your parents talking, because at the end of the day, people advise what they perceive as happiness for themselves.
Remember, the intention is always good, hence your parents are there to rush you and often they have the following reasons:
1. It never worked out for them, so they want ‘at least’ you to be happy.
2. They want to be proud of you and not left behind their friend’s children who already lead a happy family life (which is this case isn’t about you, but about them).
3. They simply know that you are an amazing human being and deserve to share this with someone special.
… and if the last statement is the case, your family will wait too. Awesomeness can be shared with many people in many ways. And what’s meant to be it will be.